Monday, 21 June 2010

Listening

Yesterday, I don't know why but I opened the box that had all your hidden secrets in it. A Pandora's box that I had hidden away, knowing that once I opened it, the emotions, joy, loss would come flooding back to me.The loss of your beautiful self that I had hidden beneath my bed under piles of books and magasines... But, yesterday something awakened inside me and my heart started yearning for the memory to come alive. My frozen heart pleaded with me to allow it the chance to remember the love it had felt. Before, I walked away from you, choosing to live in the memory of a broken marriage instead.

I waited until the house was quiet, heart thumping I opened the box and there laying on top of golden love letters, cinema receipts and cards was the photograph of the you standing next to the tree. I held the photograph and allowed myself to travel back there and remember. We had gone for a walk and stumbled into this beautiful forest. Walking, I pointed out to you the dancing purple flowers...The trees loomed over us, forming a canopy to protect us from the outside world. In this forest it felt that Nature had decided to protect us. I felt safe from harm and with your arms around me, nightmares from a broken past no longer existed.It was then we saw the magical tree. Its huge branches inviting us to stand under it. Towering, wise and magnificent. The magic had captured us and we stood underneath the tree.Slowly, we felt its rough trunk and told each other stories of what the tree had seen. It approved because it allowed the Wind to dance through its branches and lets its leaves fall around us. The wind , the branches, the leaves all moving, swaying and falling for us.You looked so happy and I took a photo of you.

We should have stayed under that tree for ever, under the protection of it branches but we had to head back. Each step I took away from its magic I felt a fear over taking me. Starting from the pit of my stomach and moving up towards to my throat. Happiness, I knew did not last and I had to protect you from my nightmares...

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I put the photograph back in its box. My heart beating with the emotions that had just moved through me. My heart telling me I was ready to let love into my life now, the nightmares had gone. Commanding me to not feed from the broken remnants of a fa mined past but to feast on the celebration of life.

Ahead of me I saw the leaves dancing again, whispering that Love had found its way home.

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